giving and reciving

I try to give to people gifts sometimes when I have the money. but mostly I give of my time or my help. Sometimes it get's to be too much to give and I get exhausted. I admit resentments build up when I feel like I'm doing is not being appreciated. Sometimes I give and give and then all people can do is complain that I'm not doing something the right way according to them. That frustrates me especially when I'm genuinely trying to help. I need to give to myself as well not just constantly give to others.

Receiving is hard for me to do. I remember when my fiance proposed to me and I felt guilty about taking the ring. I did eventually of course. I feel guilty when it's the holidays and people want to give me gifts. When people do nice things for me I always wonder why they are being so nice to me.

I'm working on giving without resentment and receiving without questioning.

giving and reciving

Yesterday I finally talked to my fiance about what happened a year ago with that woman. Why she did what she did. At first he didn't tell me the whole truth he said she liked him and that's why she did it. But I still wondered why he didn't contact me and tell me right away. It didn't make sense to me. Finally he told me he thought he would get more time in prison. He had so many drug charges and other ones he thought he would get 12 years and have to serve 10 1/2. He said he didn't want to hurt me anymore. Then he went on a drinking and drug binge for that last month. I truly believe he did what he thought was best at the time. He confided in me that he no longer wants to live this lifestyle and vicious cycle of drinking and abusing drugs. I told him that he had the choice to make and the power was in his hands. I said his HP can help him and i will support him 100% if he chooses recovery. So right now I'm just letting go and letting God. A few weeks ago I sensed my HP was telling me to write some articles. I did and now one is being published. It's coming out December 1st. I'm so excited about that. Thanks for letting me share.

Have you ever had a loved one incarcerated? how did you cope?

My fiance is serving time in prison. I won't go into why but say he has had drug and alcohol addictions. It is hard because I really want to be able to pick up the phone and call him but I can't. I miss him so much it hurts. But, all you can do is wait. Which sucks. lol. November 2009 my love will be home. yay!

live and let live

While these past two days I've been dealing with criticism from my aunt and another person who I don't know very well. At first it made me feel bad because I do have low self esteem and I felt the criticism was unnecessary. But the slogan "live and let live" made me realize that my aunt and this other person are there own people. They have there own journey in this life. Yes it hurts but I don't need to let it consume me. I decided not to say anything to them about there comments and I am going to let it go. I can't control them but I can control my reactions to the situation. I am choosing to ignore and be nice because that is in my power.

Christina

criticism

Lord, help me not to fear what others think of me. Help me to remember that because you saved me and your spirit lives within me the things judgmental people say can't ultimately hurt me. when people say things that are critical, let those things roll off my back and not stay in my mind or heart.Thank you that although hurtful words may come and go, my salvation lasts forever.

Payers for emotional wholeness by Stormie Omartian

How young is too young to get married? Why?

I think it really depends on the people. I'm engaged and am getting married to my fiance when he comes home. By then I will be 22 and he will be 25. But we love each other and have dated for 8 years. I have known about people just out of high school who got married and stayed together there whole lives and some who got divorced because as they got older they grew apart. I've heard of people waiting until they where older like 30's 40's and stayed together and some got divorced and just didn't get along anymore or whatever excuse they made. But, when you are in love you are. Marriage is a personal choice. Some people don't want to get married and some people do. For me I think it is important. I want to take his last name and I want to tell people "this is my husband."

That's just my opinion

Resentments

I have had a lot of resentment towards my aunt over the years. Mostly because of her verbal and emotional abuses towards me. It also frustrates me because I work for her and she always tells me what I should do work and non work related. But, today I decided to detach from her. I did was she asked me to do work related happily. I did not complain mentally or out load. When I started to get frustrated I said the serenity prayer. I calmed down and actually tried to meditate on the work I was doing and be in the moment and not let anger or worry take over. It worked. Then later when she changed my days and I had plans I'm still not sure what to do but I decided I would just do the best that I could and not let her changing my schedule effect today. I will just see what happens when the day arrives on what I choose to do or not to do. I went out to dinner with my aunt and she wanted me to get something else but I wanted the burger she was trying to make me feel bad in my opinion so I would get something else but I got the burger anyway. It ended up being a nice meal. I also have resentment towards Abby who tried to break up me and my fiance a year ago. I feel like I am slowly letting that go. I feel like I've forgiven her. I can say her name and type it without cringing lol. I know that if I ran into her on the street I would not be afraid of her I would just smile and leave it at that. I don't have resentment towards my fiance. I know that alcoholism is a disease. That is not an excuse but it's like cancer it might be in remissen but it's never completely gone. He will always be an A. I love him and he loves me we are both human I choose to stay with him and he has chosen to stay with me even though I am not perfect. I haven't always been the kindest person to him I treated him harshly and judged him because of his addictions I made him feel guilty when he already felt guilty. It just turned me into a mean person but he loved me anyway. So if he can accept me for who I am then I can and have accepted him for who he is. Thanks for letting me share.