giving and reciving

I try to give to people gifts sometimes when I have the money. but mostly I give of my time or my help. Sometimes it get's to be too much to give and I get exhausted. I admit resentments build up when I feel like I'm doing is not being appreciated. Sometimes I give and give and then all people can do is complain that I'm not doing something the right way according to them. That frustrates me especially when I'm genuinely trying to help. I need to give to myself as well not just constantly give to others.

Receiving is hard for me to do. I remember when my fiance proposed to me and I felt guilty about taking the ring. I did eventually of course. I feel guilty when it's the holidays and people want to give me gifts. When people do nice things for me I always wonder why they are being so nice to me.

I'm working on giving without resentment and receiving without questioning.

giving and reciving

Yesterday I finally talked to my fiance about what happened a year ago with that woman. Why she did what she did. At first he didn't tell me the whole truth he said she liked him and that's why she did it. But I still wondered why he didn't contact me and tell me right away. It didn't make sense to me. Finally he told me he thought he would get more time in prison. He had so many drug charges and other ones he thought he would get 12 years and have to serve 10 1/2. He said he didn't want to hurt me anymore. Then he went on a drinking and drug binge for that last month. I truly believe he did what he thought was best at the time. He confided in me that he no longer wants to live this lifestyle and vicious cycle of drinking and abusing drugs. I told him that he had the choice to make and the power was in his hands. I said his HP can help him and i will support him 100% if he chooses recovery. So right now I'm just letting go and letting God. A few weeks ago I sensed my HP was telling me to write some articles. I did and now one is being published. It's coming out December 1st. I'm so excited about that. Thanks for letting me share.

Have you ever had a loved one incarcerated? how did you cope?

My fiance is serving time in prison. I won't go into why but say he has had drug and alcohol addictions. It is hard because I really want to be able to pick up the phone and call him but I can't. I miss him so much it hurts. But, all you can do is wait. Which sucks. lol. November 2009 my love will be home. yay!

live and let live

While these past two days I've been dealing with criticism from my aunt and another person who I don't know very well. At first it made me feel bad because I do have low self esteem and I felt the criticism was unnecessary. But the slogan "live and let live" made me realize that my aunt and this other person are there own people. They have there own journey in this life. Yes it hurts but I don't need to let it consume me. I decided not to say anything to them about there comments and I am going to let it go. I can't control them but I can control my reactions to the situation. I am choosing to ignore and be nice because that is in my power.

Christina

criticism

Lord, help me not to fear what others think of me. Help me to remember that because you saved me and your spirit lives within me the things judgmental people say can't ultimately hurt me. when people say things that are critical, let those things roll off my back and not stay in my mind or heart.Thank you that although hurtful words may come and go, my salvation lasts forever.

Payers for emotional wholeness by Stormie Omartian

How young is too young to get married? Why?

I think it really depends on the people. I'm engaged and am getting married to my fiance when he comes home. By then I will be 22 and he will be 25. But we love each other and have dated for 8 years. I have known about people just out of high school who got married and stayed together there whole lives and some who got divorced because as they got older they grew apart. I've heard of people waiting until they where older like 30's 40's and stayed together and some got divorced and just didn't get along anymore or whatever excuse they made. But, when you are in love you are. Marriage is a personal choice. Some people don't want to get married and some people do. For me I think it is important. I want to take his last name and I want to tell people "this is my husband."

That's just my opinion

Resentments

I have had a lot of resentment towards my aunt over the years. Mostly because of her verbal and emotional abuses towards me. It also frustrates me because I work for her and she always tells me what I should do work and non work related. But, today I decided to detach from her. I did was she asked me to do work related happily. I did not complain mentally or out load. When I started to get frustrated I said the serenity prayer. I calmed down and actually tried to meditate on the work I was doing and be in the moment and not let anger or worry take over. It worked. Then later when she changed my days and I had plans I'm still not sure what to do but I decided I would just do the best that I could and not let her changing my schedule effect today. I will just see what happens when the day arrives on what I choose to do or not to do. I went out to dinner with my aunt and she wanted me to get something else but I wanted the burger she was trying to make me feel bad in my opinion so I would get something else but I got the burger anyway. It ended up being a nice meal. I also have resentment towards Abby who tried to break up me and my fiance a year ago. I feel like I am slowly letting that go. I feel like I've forgiven her. I can say her name and type it without cringing lol. I know that if I ran into her on the street I would not be afraid of her I would just smile and leave it at that. I don't have resentment towards my fiance. I know that alcoholism is a disease. That is not an excuse but it's like cancer it might be in remissen but it's never completely gone. He will always be an A. I love him and he loves me we are both human I choose to stay with him and he has chosen to stay with me even though I am not perfect. I haven't always been the kindest person to him I treated him harshly and judged him because of his addictions I made him feel guilty when he already felt guilty. It just turned me into a mean person but he loved me anyway. So if he can accept me for who I am then I can and have accepted him for who he is. Thanks for letting me share.

delivered from fear

Lord sometimes I'm afraid of what might happen in the future. I submit all my fears to you and thank you that you will take them away from me. I lift up to you my greatest fear and ask that you will give me peace in place of fear. When troubling things happen to me or around me, help me to remember that you are on my side and will fight for me. If you are there for me then no one can succeed against me.

Lord, I thank you that no matter what has happened to me in the past, no matter what is happening in my circumstances now, you promise to never leave me or forsake me. Thank you that because you love me, I don't ever have to live in fear. I pray you would take away anything in my life that give's me good reason to be afraid. Keep me safe and protected where I am, And take me to a place of safety in the future.

Prayers for Emotional wholeness by Stormie Omartian

surrender

Today I feel like my HP is really guiding me along to get stuff done. I've been surrendering to the Lord all the situations in my life. Yesterday I had a good conversation with my fiance. It went really well. He respected my boundaries and I was using the program. Not telling him what to do. I didn't discuss the letter I wrote with him. He was feeling guilty as it was about hurting me and I didn't want to make him feel worse. Today I went to counseling and we covered a lot of information. My counselor told me I need to put myself first and the next time I talk to A I need to discuss the letter to get closure and find out what happened that month a year ago if he even remembers what happened. But, it's something I need to do for myself. Then I got a call from my church and they will be helping us out with groceries we will be able to go to there food pantry once a week from now until Christmas. I got a call from a mental health place to go talk to someone about medication. For me I think that might be the right thing and I do believe for me HP is guiding me on this one since I surrendered the situation. Then I got a call from this army pen pal register I signed about for so in about two weeks I will be able to write a soldier in Iraq. I really want to support our troops no matter what I believe about this war. I printed up a budget page so I will start working on that. I studied my GED today. Yes HP is guiding me today in all sorts of ways. Thanks for letting me share.

Christina

Just for today

I read this earlier today and wanted to share it.

Just for today give you life anew to God! Tell him, Full speed ahead! Just for today pour out your love and care for your family. Be "too nice" to everyone you meet. Just for today take your physical strength seriously and exert yourself. Just for today use that brain power God has given you to grow more beautiful in character. Just for today reach out and encourage your best friend in their spiritual journey. Just for today take one small step toward your goal you're trying to achieve. And finally, just for today make the commitment to wake up everyday of your life and repeat this pattern.

Lord, just for today I commit every single area of my life to you- every thought, every word, every action. Let this be a day in which I grow more and more into your image. Amen

Taken from A woman after God's own heart by Elizabeth George

the good are made better by ill...

The good are better made by ill, as odors crushed sweeter still.

Roger

Today I was working in the sun all day and I am so exhausted now. But at least I got a tan. I met this girl that's new to town it's not like we exchanged numbers or e-mails but we chatted. I also talked with this one acquaintance of mine who has been in Ireland she just got back and was working with her mom at her store but we only spoke shortly. But at least she didn't ignore me. Yesterday this woman commented on my necklace which meant a lot to me because my fiancé gave it to me a while ago. I wear it all the time and along the way I've collected other charms and stuff for it.

Here are some things I'm going to try to do:

1. I will not dwell on the past and worry about the future
2. I will treat other people with respect and compassion
3. I will be good to myself
4. I will learn to love and accept myself
5. I will be good to the planet
6. I will try to live cheerfully
7. I will be open and tolerant to others beliefs and opinions.
8. I will remember that a life lives simply is beautiful
9. I will learn to rest in the arms of the lord, spirit.
10. I will express myself and be free

Stronger

The very difficulties of life, of which we are apt to complain, are converted into the means of that discipline, that self improvement, which is the great end of life. …progress is the child of struggle, and struggle is the child of difficulty.

James Walker

STRONGER (Faith Hill)

This is the window to my heart
I just want you to be for real
There ain't no freedom where we are
There ain't no wishes in these stars
Ain't no reason to believe

But don't worry baby
Don't you worry
Baby this is what we need
A little bruise and a little bleeding
Some space that we can breathe in
Some silence in between

So cry for me baby
and I'll cry for you
and we'll both break down
and we'll both break through
and find our way to face the truth
We both will be stronger
and we'll lie down in our loneliness
and wake up with our sad regrets
and even though we don't know it yet
We both will be stronger
We both will be stronger
I can't believe you're really gone, now
but I know it's for the best
And I know that we weren't right
but I still reach for you each night
and man, that hurts like hell

So cry for me baby
and I'll cry for you
and we'll both break down
and we'll both break through
and find our way to face the truth
We both will be stronger
and we'll lie down in our loneliness
and wake up with our sad regrets
and even though we don't know it yet
We both will be stronger
We both will be stronger

This is the window to my heart
I just want us to be for real
Baby i'm sorry for the way things are
Goodbye is always hard
But we both will be stronger

SWITCHFOOT - This Is Home lyrics

I've got my memories
They're always
Inside of me
But I can't go back
Back to how it was
I believe now
I've come too far
No I can't go back
Back to how it was
Created for a place
I've never known

Chorus:
This is home
Now I'm finally
Where I belong
Where I belong
Yeah, this is home
I've been searching
For a place of my own
Now I've found it
Maybe this is home
Yeah, this is home

Belief over misery
I've seen the enemy
And I won't go back

Back to how it was
And I got my heart
Set on
What happens next
I got my eyes wide
It's not over yet
We are miracles
And we're not alone

(Chorus)

And now after all
My searching
After all my questions
I'm gonna call it home
I got a brand new mindset
I can finally see
The sunset
I'm gonna call it home

(Chorus)

Now I know
Yeah, this is home

I've come too far
Now I won't go back
This is home

What looks like crazy

I got a letter from my love and he gave me his password to go on his MySpace. So I will try again. I hope his friends write him. He has been so lonely and feels like no one cares. It's been a year but at least I will be able to say I did everything that I could. I worked today and it was not the best of days to be honest. But I really don't want to get into that right now. A man with tattoos came in a spider web and praying hands. I think the spider web means he has been in prison or struggled with addictions or problems. And the praying hands could mean he is Christian or a memorial for someone as well. To him personally what these things mean I didn't ask he was just a water guy but he was a very nice person he asked me how I was and said I seemed quiet today. At least he noticed I was frazzled and not having a good day. I wish I would have asked about the tattoos but I think his boss was with him. Tattoos fascinate me because they are silent stores. They tell of peoples lives and loves there ups and downs where they've been and where they would like to go. There is something so fascinating about telling a silent story on your body for the world to see then just writing words for the world to read. I myself want a tattoo. My first will be a star. I want it on my wrist. I've decided this because I feel like I am shooting for the stars. I have big dreams and want something more. But my love is my shining star he has guided my way and always has some nugget of advice for me that makes me think he is right. Sometimes he knows what's best for me before I even do. Then this couple I think came in and the guy was lean and had blonde streaks in his hair and a pierced ear and asked if we had a garbage so he could throw his cup away and I said yes and took the cup from him and then he said it was a lovely store and his girlfriend had long black hair. I think there is something so exotic about long black hair. I like the red I dyed my hair but in some light it doesn't look red enough but other times it looks perfect. I will keep it this way for a while longer and then I will be on to something else and try to reinvent myself yet again. Then this guy came in and being the dope I am I accidently knocked stuff over and I think he thought I was nervous around him or something because he told me he was looking for something for his girlfriend but I was not nervous I just had low blood sugar and felt like I was about to pass out because I was starving and did not eat lunch yet and I was frazzled about events that happened earlier in the day with my aunt. Then some other people came in and called with bad attitudes. And it seems like negativity transfers negativity. I hate that because then it puts me in a bad mood until I can get away from it and find some solace. But I came home and I bought some shorts because I don't have any but I found a pair that I really like that make me look hot and I feel good about myself in them so that put a smile on my face. So that's my day. I'm glad it's over it was exhausting but except for a few bouts here and there it was not too bad of a day. Oh yes and I read a book today called what looks like Crazy from Charlotte Hughes. She is a good author the book is funny. About a therapist whose patients are always doing something to her? One tries to blow her up one almost runs her over another's boyfriend tries to beat her up and then she is divorced from a firefighter her ex boyfriend who she works with is always trying to get into her pants and her mother and aunt are crazy people that collect junk. It's kind of funny really. But I did enjoy it.

Fate

Today was day 1 of my macrobiotic rice fast. Not that it is a real fast just eating rice and eating as macrobiotic as possible. All these thoughts and feelings and emotions where whirling around me today. All these emotions and thoughts came pouring out of me today both good and bad. I cried I wanted to run away I didn't want to think anymore but I hung on and I'm glad I did. Instead I decided to embrace my feelings my emotions and my thoughts I decided to face them instead of running away as usual. I know it's the only way I'll conquer my life is by facing my life. It was happy and painful. A mix of emotions an array of feelings thoughts flowing But I made it through. I realized I miss my love so much. I already knew that but today I really felt it and I let myself feel it. I didn't try to contain it or cover it up. It came in many forms. But underneath it all was a longing. I just miss him. Under all the complex emotions it was simple. Then once I realized that all these thoughts came flowing back to me memories really just made me remember why I adore him and love him.

Serendipity

1.	An aptitude for making desirable discoveries by accident.

2.	Good fortune; luck: the serendipity of getting the first job she applied for.

Fate:

1.	Something that unavoidably befalls a person; fortune; lot: It is always his fate to be left behind.

2.	The universal principle or ultimate agency by which the order of things is presumably prescribed; the decreed cause of events; time: Fate decreed that they would never meet again.

3.	That which is inevitably predetermined; destiny: Death is our ineluctable fate.

4.	A prophetic declaration of what must be: The oracle pronounced their fate.

5.	Death, destruction, or ruin.

6.	The Fates, Classical Mythology. The three goddesses of destiny, known to the Greeks as the Moerae and to the Romans as the Parcae.

The first day I saw my love was the first day of the rest of my life. I knew I was going to marry him one day. I prayed to the lord that if we really where meant to be and he was the one then let me see him outside of school so I can have a reason to talk with him. I saw him at the oberweis and knew it was fate or destiny. I knew that we where meant to spend out lives together. I still know this is true. I remember the first time we spoke. It was a Monday we where standing outside of school it was November a dark and chilly day. I walked up to him and we started chatting. The rest is history as they say. I remember when he gave me a pin he said an angel for my angel. I guess in some ways I am his angel and I love he thinks of me like that. But he is my angel as well in many ways. I remember when he got down on one knee and asked me to be his wife. I was totally shocked we had discussed marriage and getting engaged here and there but I didn't think he would propose. He did and I said yes of course why wouldn't I marrying him was my dream after all. Then we shared a kiss. Then one day he asked me to close my eyes and I opened them to find this beautiful ring on my finger. This was concrete now it sealed the deal he wanted to spend his life with me and he still does. I feel so lucky to be his and for him to be mine. Always and forever

Others are affected by what I am say and do. And these others also have the sphere of influence. So what a single act of mine may spread in widening circles thorough a nation or humanity.

W.E. Channing

In all sorts of husks and shells, hard, withered, dead, god sees a goodness we are always missing.

Robert Coyller

7.	To predetermine, as by the decree of fate; destine (used in the passive): a person who was fated to be the savior of the country.

Sex and the city

Tomorrow I'm going to start 3 day macrobiotic rice fast. I'm doing it more for spiritual reasons then weight loss. I hear it's like meditating for 3 years straight only without the actual meditation. I am intrigued by this concept so I thought I would give it a whirl. I'm excited to start this journey. Now I'm not saying I'll stick to it 100% lord knows I'm not perfect and I've got my whims. So we shall see but I will still try to stay as macrobiotic as possible. I want to get the full effects but I'm a little worried about what thoughts and emotions will come out. I hear it clears up a lot of the mental clutter and really makes you think and feel. I'm wondering if this is good or bad. But I'm excited to see what comes out of me these next few days.

I went to see sex and the city tonight. I LOVED it. It is defiantly like the show. Lots of girl talk and sex and very inspiring in many ways Carrie inspired me to write. But it made me miss my man. I don't want to give it away but let's say it reminded me a lot of my relationship with Carrie and Big and I hope we have the same happy ending but I feel like we will.

Rules to live by

The manifesto

1. Be honest- very important
2. Believe in fairytales- I believe in fairytales it's hard to think in happy endings but they are possible
3. Accept time as your friend and not your enemy- so true. Often times we are running around racing to do this or that. Or we are waiting for something to happen judging how much time we have to do stuff. But the truth is you never know what will happen so it's good to relax and not try to fight with time because you will inevitably lose anyway.
4. Promote beauty weigh the campaign against ugliness- I don't quite get this one. But I think it means to see the beauty in things and to promote seeing beautiful things.
5. Abandon the pursuit of happiness- because happiness is an emotion it comes and goes it's not tangible and real it's a feeling. Like being sad and angry they are feelings not things we can do. But you can pursue dreams that can hopefully make you happy. But being happy is something already there inside of us not something to be found. "You make yourself happy" Like peace and spirituality it can't be found in a church or a book or even our mind it's already there just waiting for us to make use of it.
6. Make sure the nookies good- this made me smile. But it's so true!
7. Show compassion- it's important to show kindness to others and even to you. All people are guilty of having bad days and not being kind or nice but even a smile or simple hello can really change your day around. Putting yourself in other people's shoes realizing things are not as bad as they sometimes seem.
8. Be willing to admit when you are wrong- so many people want to be right that they never admit when they shouldn't have said or done something. But a part of life is taking responsibility for your words and actions and saying sorry when you know you are wrong.

Summer

Thou can not change one little drop that heaven has mixed for thee, however bitter the cup, it may thy healing be. And in its dregs the soul at last its sweetest hope may see.

I want to feel the sun on my face. I want to feel the wind blowing in my hair. I want to walk on the beach and feel the sand underneath my feet. I want to smell the lake. I want to spend forever in his arms. I want to dance under the moon and stars. I want to stand in the rain and wash yesterday away.

Letting her go

growing up is a strange thing.
you can grow up suddenly in a space of a few days
or slowly and steadily through a space of years.
you never know.
and when the change happens you can never go back nor would you want to.
priorities change
values change
you start to want different things.
im there right now.
ive been arriving here for eight months.
what used to turn me on just doesnt do it for me.
its not exactly that im sick of myself haha. its actually that i love myself now

and i am not so willing to throw myself into dangerous situations
or damage myself to get somewhere im not even sure i want to go.
or spend time with people i fear or people i know i wont like.

now i feel that ive fallen in love with my life instead.
im gonna stop trying to micromanage my future and im going to relax.
this last year has taught me alot of things.
who i am not anymore. who i dont want to become. who i really am. and what i want for my future.

i want a much bigger life than that.
what IS important is that i stop worrying and enjoy my life again. and have fun doing the things that i love to do. life is too short to worry. i need to roll with the punches.
im anxious and excited to redefine what i am doing right now and to begin the next phase of what i hope to become very big life filled with all of the things i care about.
i feel that this moment is like walking from one room to the next and shutting the door.
and what demons and mistakes and scars are in that room can no longer hurt me.

im retiring the girl who kept so much drama in her life that she wouldnt have to feel anything.
im retiring the girl who played characters in order to be what she thought people wanted.
im retiring the girl who gave herself to too many people who didnt deserve her.

im retiring the angry screaming terror that helped me fight for my life.
im retiring the jaded girl who doesnt believe in anything or anyone.
im retiring the girl who was careless with people and didnt take responsibility.
im retiring the girl who would destroy everything and leave everything in ruin.

im leaving them behind.

i dont need you girls anymore. but thankyou for getting me this far.
im shutting the door on you.

my life is beautiful because im letting it be beautiful. and im allowing it to happen.
and im taking all the good lessons. of hard work. patience. passion. fire. and faith with me.
i want to spend my time doing what makes me happy.. whatever that is.

Freedom

Here is a prayer I found that I wanted to share.
Dear God, I give this day to you. May my mind stay centered on the things of spirit. May I not be tempted to stray from love as I begin this day I open to receive you. Please enter where you already abide. May my mind and heart be pure and true and may I not deviate from the things of goodness. May I see the love and innocence in all mankind, behind the masks we all wear and the illusions of this worldly plane? I surrender to you my doings this day. I ask that I only serve your and the healing of the world. May I bring your love and goodness with me? To give unto others wherever I go Make me the person you would have me be. Direct my footsteps, and show me what you would have me do. Make the world a safer, more beautiful place. Bless all your creatures. Heal us all, and use me, dear lord that I might know the joy of being used by you. Amen
Taken from the foreword from the best life diet by Bob Greene which was taken from Illuminata: a book of prayers by Marianne Williamson.

started the macrobiotic diet not totally but am trying to get into the swing of things. They say it's not good to go full force anyway you have to implement new changes slowly. I really like the macrobiotic because it's not just about what you eat which are mostly whole grains and vegetables but there is no such thing as depriving yourself if your body needs something then you eat it. The philosophy behind the macrobiotic is the yin and yang and Taoism. I have always been interested in different religions and spirituality and I am a Christian but I love that it combines philosophy with eating right. It's so interesting and it's not about what you believe because there is one higher power no matter what you call that power. It's about getting in tune with that higher power which I think is fascinating. It's about freedom which I've been striving for. Freedom to choose

I'm also started Mariel Hemingway's book finding my balance. I also find it fascinating because it combines the spiritual with the way you eat. How all things connect? What you eat your exercise your silent or meditation time and your home. There is this contract in the beginning that I made to myself today and I want to write it here.
I agree to be kind to myself the four weeks following these suggestions. I agree to put myself first. To treat myself with compassion and patience I would treat a close friend. To drop the harsh criticism I put on myself when I look in the mirror or eat something bad or I am not perfect at everything I do. I agree to act like I am my own best friend. If I catch myself saying something mean to myself I pledge to ask myself would I say this to my best friend.

Taken from Healthy living from the inside out by Mariel Hemingway

My evening

Tonight I went for a walk. It was a lovely night. I was walking and saw this bunny. At first I thought it was a statue it was so still and then it started moving and hoping around. The fireflies where flying all around. The moon was full and bright I could see it even though it wasn't completely dark out yet. And someone was playing jazz music. It felt like a scene from a movie or something. It was really lovely.

7 things to do before I'm 30

7 things to do before I’m 30~

1. Get my GED Go to college for music/acting
2. Get married
3. Have children
4. Get a tattoo
5. Travel
6. Have a career songwriting/acting/modeling/music education/worship music
7. Become myself find myself and become the person I’m meant to be show my true self

How I met the one

I was reading Mariel Hemingway's book finding my balance and I've heard this many times before in one version or another. About what it's like when we find our soul mates. I've always heard that time stops or slows down and you instantly know you are going to marry that person one day. And that's exactly the way I felt when I met my fiancé. I first saw him 7 almost 8 years ago. We went to the same school. He was walking out of the building and all of a sudden it was like time just stopped or slowed down and all I could focus on was him. I remember thinking to myself in a passing thought it was nothing I said out loud that one day I was going to Marry him. It seemed odd to me because that was the first time I saw him I hadn't even spoken to him at that point so it seemed strange me thinking I would marry him. But then I kept seeing him at school and then I thought to myself well the only way I'll talk to him is if I see him away from school and I prayed to the lord "if I'm meant to be with this man and if I really am meant to marry him then please let me see him somewhere else so that I can talk to him." Well I was out with some friends one night and we went to Oberweis to get some ice cream. Out of nowhere there he is coming out of the bathroom leaving oberweiss and passed right by us. So that next Monday I spoke to him. We where friends for a year and then we started dating. Now that I ponder it is really does seem like it was all meant to be. I feel like every time I pray about it I get the same answer that he is my soul mate and he is the one.

Have a beautiful day my love

This girl walked in the store looking for stuff from the fifties for her sister’s birthday. She came over to me and said “don’t you get bored here all day alone? I said “yes” She said “do you have any bored games I’d play with you? “No.” I said. “I like your tattoo it is real? I asked. “No but I wish it was she said. Can you tell what it is? I look at it. I think I know but I’m too scared to say anything I say “I’m not sure.” She says “sure you can.” Making me feel like I can do anything and know everything. “It’s an m she says.” I thought so I say, is that a d? “No it’s a 5 everyone thinks it’s a d she says. It is my 5 favorite loves.” I remember the first and last. The first the lord I admire that not many people put the lord first but here was this lively girl who loved life and the lord. I was awe inspired by her kind of star struck in a way. The last “my love” is all she said. I think she asked me if there was anywhere I spent time so we could spend it together I freeze up like the shy girl I can be at the worst of times. I can’t think I say no. I feel so guilty maybe I missed my chance to be friends with this lovely girl. She’s about to walk out she has to be off to other things I think and say to myself I cant let her go I need to try something I shock myself and say “wait, this might sound strange but do you have an e-mail? She says “no it’s a waste of time she likes to go out and experience life just a fake e-mail that’s all.” Off she goes out the door only leaving a “Have a beautiful day my love.” She is gone and I feel bad I should have given her my number. I need this positive girl this god loving girl back in my life. I miss this stranger I only knew briefly. But she is gone and doesn’t return. I wonder if I’ll ever see her again. I hope so. So I will say to you have a beautiful day my loves.